I looked down.
My foot at the very precipice of time.
Far too close to the edge of this cliff I have come too often.
Heart throbbing in my chest like some beating orb wishing to be free.
I know the danger.
I even know the fear.
Yet nothing stops me from this fate.
I lay the silver blade to my skin and feel its sting.
I draw it toward me, across the many other old scars that have gone before.
Funny how it always stings though.
Each time never learning from the last.
A crimson line appears.
Yes. That's what I wanted.
To hurt me.
Deeper I press.
So that which hurts me from the outside can never compete with the hurt I make.
So many times in my life I have needed pain to mask pain.
So that which I see is never so much as what I make.
It is the only thing I know.
To hurt so bad from within that I notice nothing of the pain from without.
I raise my arms fearless of the vast space before me.
I close my eyes and hear the sand shift again.
One step from falling a trillion miles into space.
Someone save me tonight.
~Todd Ross~ 8~27~02