Todd Ross (envisioning) wrote,
Todd Ross

I didn't know
It was never told
That boys were not to cry.
I never knew what a fuss I'd make
If I did anything more than sigh.
"Look at Ross." I heard them say
"He's really taking it bad.
"I've never seen him shed a tear,
I've never seen him sad.
I put my face down in my hands
What did they expect me to do?
My Father is gone this day from the earth
These tears are overdue.
"A smile is always on his face
He always jokes with me."
"He's sobbing now and we're all here
By his side shouldn't we be?"
But no one came to comfort me
They were all afraid
To see this boy so sad today
To see his bright smile fade.
I listened to them whisper
I waited for a word
Or even to feel a hand on my back
But it was all absurd.
When the funeral was over
And all were gone
I sat there all alone
Something had changed
in the tempo of life
I knew my cover was blown.
For all the friends I had at school
None had seen me cry
And when they saw me next at school
My eyes they'd see were dry.
Around me they'd come again to play
No mention of yesterday
And when I'd say where were you that day
All would shy away.
Why didn't you come and hold my hand?
Why didn't you talk to me?
Was it tears on the face of a happy boy
You couldn't stand to see?
I've know you all for years, with all our fears
But on this terrible day
You could not come and sit by me
Must I hide my tears away?
It was hard I know to see me cry
I'm always such a happy guy
But when I needed you all the most
Couldn't you even try.
~ By Michael
~I'd like to say that I wrote this little poem but to be truthful I didn't.
It was written by a very special friend the day after my dad's funeral. He brought it to me on a deserted baseball field after school. I was sitting on the bleachers just looking out over the field. I didn't even see him coming until he was right there next to me. He didn't say anything. He sat next to me on the bench and handed me this little crumpled up piece of paper. On it was this poem.
I read it silently and I felt a few huge tears fall on my knees. I raised my head and looked at him and he was crying too. He was like me, a happy fun guy to be around. He said, "Turn it over."
When I did there were the signatures of every friend I had at school. It was nice to know that they all knew how difficult it was for me but the greater thing was realizing how difficult it was for them.
We had all laughed and joked and partied together all through school. None of us had ever thought that the other might have a lonely moment, a tearful day.... we were to busy having fun.
It is a stark realization that in our world of teenage fun there are still all the emotions we were born with. Those we had never explored. Those we were afraid to see.
To all those friends and all those of you who understand this even remotely, I want to say, I will always be by your side if I ever see a tear.
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